i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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