I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
