My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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