forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
