i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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