Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
