we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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