i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
