they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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