you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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