You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
