We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
