fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
