He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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