It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
