Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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