Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
