this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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