If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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