I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
