ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
