i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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