Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
