A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
