I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You don't make any sense
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