Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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