So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
