Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
