Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
