They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
