i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He passed out mid-signature
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
