dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
