There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
