im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
