Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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