I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
