it's too hot outside to masturbate.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
