Having a random hookup so left but love u
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
