she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
