Pants 0. Shit 1.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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