I want to stick my p in your. b.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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