he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
how drunk are you?
Several
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
