She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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