Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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