Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
