Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So here I am, sexting at work.
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