my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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