Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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