You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
