You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
