I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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